I led a session on this topic at the membership weekend and it went down very well, and the group asked for my notes. Rather than sending my notes, I’ve converted my notes into a blog, which I hope that you find helpful.

 First of all, we can spend some time reflecting on what are our values around living a healthy life? Here are my thoughts on this.

Creating the conditions for physical health and wellbeing – so we can live well for longer, before the diseases of aging catch up with us, for example:

• • • Good nutrition
    • Plenty of movement – aerobic and strength
    • Good sleep

Creating the conditions for mental health and wellbeing – so that we can enjoy our lives and be there for others, for example:

• • • Meditation
    • Gratitude and appreciation
    • Self-care (compassion)

So, spend some time to settle the mind and ground in the body and then reflect by dropping this question into the mind three times (leaving a minute or so in between), without making any effort to answer the question:

Reflection: What are my values around healthy living?

Trust any responses to this question to arise of their own accord and remain grounded and in touch with the sensations in the body. Then write down what arose during the reflection.

Secondly, we can contemplate any environmental challenges that prevent us from living in accordance with our values. Again, here are my thoughts on this:

• • • Obesogenic environment
    • Lure of the screen
    • Time poor, busy lives
    • Long hours, hard work or toxic work culture
    • Constant bad news
    • Constant marketing messages saying we need more
    • Societal norms that we prioritise looking after others

Then spend some time reflecting on this second question:

Reflection: What are my environmental challenges?

Then again, write down what arose during the reflection.

Thirdly we look at how we can learn to hold our boundaries in the face of these environmental challenges to protect our values around living a healthy life. We do this by contemplating The Four As (based on the work of Gabor Mate in his book The Myth or Normal), which are four attributes which are essential for us to thrive:

• • • Anger (healthy) – not suppressed or elaborated, a boundary defence to a threat in the moment, an ability to say no – part of our wholeness and essential for survival, part of our normal repertoire of feelings, to do with now and not linked to the past, not intending harm, but there to maintain our integrity/authenticity and agency.
    • Authenticity – living in accordance with values – cannot be pursued only embodied, notice when authenticity isn’t there and be curious – is there an inner guidance, truth, value, authentic need I am denying? What fears, rationalisations, stories stop me from being myself and following my values?
    • Agency – capacity to freely take responsibility for our existence, choice of who and how we be in life, self-bestowal of the right to evaluate things freely and fully and to choose without deferring to world’s expectations or our own conditioning.
    • Acceptance – a recognition that in this moment things cannot be other than they are, plus accepting how difficult this is, it makes room for the other three As.

Finally, we choose one of the four As that could help us to live our values and overcome our environmental challenges, then we reflect on the question: How does a lack of this A (Anger (healthy), Authenticity, Agency or Acceptance) manifest in my life?

To end the reflection, bring in some self-compassion, by making a gesture of self-soothing, such as placing a hand on our heart or giving ourselves a hug and repeat to ourselves in a soothing voice tone the words, soften, soothe and allow:

• • • Soften – reminding ourselves to soften and relax around any herd edges of our experience, such as troubling thoughts or challenging emotions.
    • Soothe – soothing ourselves with our soothing voice tone and touch.
    • Allow – reminding ourselves that we are turning towards and being with our experience, rather than resisting it by trying to fix or change it.

As we end this reflection, we can also bring in some common humanity and the wisdom of no blame, by reminding ourselves that the human condition is not one of perfection but is a messy business. The human mind we experience is a product of evolution and conditioning. Each moment of experience is a result of myriad causes and conditions, much of which we did not choose, and which are beyond our control – therefore we can let ourselves of the hook of blame, both self-blame and blaming others.

If you would like to explore these issues in more detail, we have two possible courses:

Online five-week course – Managing Anger: Your Own and Those Around You – starting Thursday 27 March, 7-9pm. For more information see:

https://www.mindfulnessassociation.net/course/managing-anger-your-own-and-those-around-you/

 

In person weekend at Samye Ling – Creating Health Boundaries for a Health Life – 31^st October – 2 November. For more information see:

https://www.mindfulnessassociation.net/course/creating-healthy-boundaries-for-a-healthy-life/

 

I hope to see you there.

Kind Wishes

Heather